mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
when i was little i actually questioned why girls were supposed to cross their legs and when i was told “because boys will look up your skirt” i said “then tell boys not to look up our skirts” and my grandma got really angry with me but my uncle thought i was great and gave me a high five
GOLLY FUCKING GOSH WHAT A NICE DAY FOR SURFING!
when somebody likes your selfie
when somebody likes and reblogs your selfie
when somebody likes and reblogs your selfie and then follows you
I drew these on with a permanent marker and now my mom is mad
do my ears deceive me or is this liam’s remix????
SNAILS EAT WORMS
why yes they do
and it’s fucking terrifying
I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing that.
I had a snail phase at one point
WHAT THE FUCK
People criticizing TFIOS because Gus sounds pretentious???
that was the point???
like literally at his fake funeral his best friend talks about how fucking pretentious he is and how annoying it was???
It was one of his character flaws? He was deliberately written that way?
You’re not being clever or critical by pointing it out, you are literally stating a fact about the novel that the author deliberately wrote
remember when people choked on cinnamon to entertain the internet
THE LITTLE KID NEXT DOOR JSUT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND YELLED “WHAT IS 27 PLUS 4” AND I YELLED “IT’S 31” AND HE SAID “THANK YOU GOD LADY” IM LAUGIHNG
grandmoms are precious and must be protected at all costs
i told her i was posting this on tumblr and she said “let me know how many hits i get!!!” so just watch this and make an old woman happy
|—||Porphyria R’lyeh. (via sonder-inpravda)|